Signs of Enabling Behavior and How To Stop

If you recognize these traits in yourself, it’s not too late to make changes that truly support your loved one and protect your own well-being. You might lie about why someone missed work or assure family members that “everything’s fine” when it isn’t. This can reinforce denial and delay the person’s motivation to change. She holds a Bachelor’s degree in Food Technology and a Master’s Degree in Clinical Nutrition.

Even if you personally disagree with a loved one’s behavior, you might ignore it for any number of reasons. The term “enabler” generally describes someone whose behavior allows a loved one to continue self-destructive patterns of behavior. Learning to set and maintain healthy boundaries is crucial.

Buckle up, folks – this might be a bumpy ride, but I promise it’ll be worth it. Your deepest desire to help others might be the very thing holding both you and your loved ones back from genuine healing and growth. It’s a paradox that many of us face, especially those with an enabler personality. We think we’re doing the right thing by constantly supporting and rescuing others, but in reality, we might be stunting their personal development and our own. This may allow the unhealthy behavior to continue, even if you believe a conflict-free environment will help the other person.

Mental Health Treatment

An enabler personality encourages or supports someone to do things that should not be allowed. Enable behavior pretends like there’s not a problem, helps people cover their mistakes, or allows them to do things instead of calling them out. An enabler is someone who helps a person suffering from substance abuse issues continue to use drugs and alcohol. They may provide the person with money, housing, or transportation, and make it possible for them to keep using. There’s often no harm in helping out a loved one financially from time to time if your personal finances allow for it.

Helping Them Avoid Consequences of Their Behaviors

Your resentment may be directed more toward your loved one, toward the situation, both, or even yourself. You might feel hurt and angry about spending so much time trying to help someone who doesn’t seem to appreciate you. You may feel obligated to continue helping even when you don’t want to. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to seek help.

Why Do People Enable Bad Behavior?

Negative enabling happens when someone unintentionally supports harmful behavior by shielding a person from the consequences of their actions. It can quickly turn into a draining and unhealthy relationship when loved ones try to provide support they aren’t qualified for. For example, a helper might assist a loved one in finding a therapist or attending support meetings if they’re struggling with mental health or substance use issues. An enabler is a person who allows someone close to them to continue unhealthy or self-destructive patterns of behavior.

People walk all over you, but instead of getting upset, you smile and ask if they’d like to wipe their feet again. An enabler personality is characterized by an overwhelming desire to help others, often at the expense of one’s own well-being. It’s like being a superhero, minus the cape and the ability to fly (though I’m sure many enablers wish they could be in multiple places at once).

Instead of asking them about the receipts, you decide not to press the issue. It might help to keep perspective on the challenge itself. It could be difficult to argue or distance yourself from them, but this can help them face their challenges, which in turn would make it more likely that they seek help to overcome them.

Let’s Take the Next Steps Together

• Minimizing the issue implies to your loved one that they can continue to treat you similarly with no consequences.
• It’s like giving a pyromaniac a box of matches and being surprised when they start a fire.
• However, most people who engage in enabling behaviors do so unknowingly.
• So go forth, set those boundaries, practice that self-care, and remember – you’re not responsible for saving the world, but you are responsible for taking care of yourself.

Whether it’s from a therapist, a support group, or trusted friends, having a support system can make all the difference. It’s like having a cheering squad as you run a marathon – their encouragement can help you cross the finish line. As we wrap up this journey into the world of enabler personalities, let’s recap what we’ve learned. We’ve explored the characteristics of enablers, delved into the root causes, examined the impact on relationships, and discussed strategies for change. Enabling behaviors include making excuses for someone else, giving them money, covering for them, or even ignoring the problem entirely to avoid conflict. Learning how to identify the main signs can help you prevent and stop enabling behaviors in your relationships.

• There are rehab and detox programs for them when they’re ready to change.
• By removing the financial consequences, you inadvertently allow them to continue harmful patterns.
• This help is ultimately not helpful, as it usually doesn’t make a problem entirely go away.
• People who could be considered enablers to another’s substance abuse may not be knowingly enabling their loved ones.
• It’s a dysfunctional dance where both parties become overly reliant on each other, stunting personal growth and independence.
• “Ending an enabling relationship requires assertiveness — the ability to say no,” Dr. Borland says.

Principal Before Personality: Navigating Relationships and Decision-Making in Recovery

Encourage independence and encourage them to get professional help for their condition. For example, this might look like constantly paying off the other person’s debts or irresponsible spending habits. Not all experts agree on the amount of stages when it comes to enabling, but some include denial, compliance, control, and crisis. For the enabler, this can be emotionally draining and damaging to their self-esteem. If you know someone who needs professional help, treatment is available.

How Do I Know If I Am Enabling Someone?

Enabling behavior might be preventing them from facing the consequences of their actions. Without that experience, it may be more difficult for them to realize they might need help. But if making excuses for destructive or harmful behavior becomes a habit and gives room to more toxic behavior, you might be inadvertently reinforcing said behaviors. In many cases, enabling begins as an effort to support a loved one who may be having a hard time. Being an enabler can take a toll on a person’s mental health, physical health, and overall well-being. This can mean that they might keep the person from facing the consequences of their actions or resolve the other person’s problems themselves.

When you empower someone, you’re giving them the tools they need to overcome or move beyond the challenges they face. For example, giving them information about mental health professionals in the area that might help. Enabling behavior is often unintentional and stems from a desire to help. In fact, many people who enable others don’t even realize what they’re doing. You may also feel hesitant or fearful of your loved one’s reaction if you confront them, or you could feel they characteristics of an enabler may stop loving you if you stop covering up for them.

Taking on someone else’s responsibilities is another form of enabling behavior. For example, enabling behavior may include providing the school with an excuse so someone can skip class, even if they did because they spent the night drinking. In other words, enabling is directly or indirectly supporting someone else’s unhealthy tendencies. It is difficult to compare an enabler and an abuser because they are two different things. However, enablers usually have good intentions that are misplaced, while abusers are typically trying to gain something over their victims. The behaviors of a codependent person and an enabler can often share similarities, but they are not the same.

Tell your loved one you want to keep helping them, but not in ways that enable their behavior. For example, you might offer rides to appointments but say no to giving money for gas or anything else. Do any of the above signs seem similar to patterns that have developed in your relationship with a loved one? These suggestions can help you learn how to empower your loved one instead. When a pattern of enabling characterizes a relationship, it’s fairly common for resentment, or feelings of anger and disappointment, to develop.

They may not agree to enter treatment right away, so you might have to mention it several times. Working with your own therapist can help you explore positive ways to bring up treatments that are right for your situation. Say your sister continues to leave her kids with you when she goes out. You agree to babysit because you want the kids to be safe, but your babysitting enables her to keep going out. Your teen spends hours each night playing video games instead of taking care of their responsibilities. You fill your evenings with their laundry, cleaning, and other chores to ensure they’ll have something to wear and a clean shower to use in the morning.